But I decided to dive in deeper this time. This one is a lot more opinionated than the last because the topic is something that has been bothering me for quite some time.
That being said, I still love hearing different opinions because that's what discussion is all about! So whether you agree and want to go on a whole rant or disagree and want to explain why, I can't wait to hear what you think!
*Note: This post was originally titled: A Feminist Gripe about Love Triangles (and Why We Should Stop Blaming the Girls)*
First of all, for the sake of simplicity, I’m going to refer to triangles involving a girl and two guys, but I fully support and recognize triangles of all genders and orientations.
Second, I have have no problem with love triangles in and of themselves when they’re done well. I like them because they have the potential to add a lot of heart-wrenching emotion to a book, and I’m all about the emotion. But that’s not what this post is about; I just want it to be clear that I am in no way hating on love triangles.
I’ve noticed something though.
Almost every time there’s a love triangle in a book, people immediately start talking about how selfish the girl is because she just needs to make a decision already!
The guys involved are absolutely, 100% just as capable of making decisions, too.
At any point, they can decide they’re done waiting and be done with the girl. No one is forcing them to sit around and wait. And most of the time, they know exactly what they’re getting into and choose to go after a girl who they know has feelings for someone else.
Yeah, but that’s unfair to the poor guys because they can’t help it that they have feelings for the girl. They can’t just shut their feelings off!
You’re right. That is a valid point.
But here’s another valid point: Neither can the girl.
So why is it that the blame always gets put on the girl?
As long as the guys are aware of what’s going on and the girl is being honest with them, they’re not mindless victims, and to treat them as such seems disrespectful to them too.
I’d like to say this applies to all genders, that the tip of the triangle is always the one who gets blamed, but, for example, I haven’t seen people calling Thomas selfish in The Maze Runner books. Instead, I’ve basically seen people arguing over which girl was more bitchy and untrustworthy. I’ve also read some M-M-M love triangles and have not seen people complaining. So I’m not really sure what the problem is here, but I would love for you to chime in, especially if you’ve ever noticed any times when the guy DID get blamed (or when the girl didn’t).
Even I feel there is a limit when it eventually just gets selfish, regardless of gender. But, for the most part, as someone who takes relationships seriously and has never liked to rush into them, I love when I see characters standing up for themselves and their choices in love triangles rather than being pushed and manipulated into making a decision before they’re ready.