Book Review: Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle (Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle Book 1) by Amy Fecteau

When Matheus gets turned into a vampire one night by the 1700-year-old Quin, his whole life gets turned upside down. Stuck with Quin out of necessity, Matheus finds himself trying to survive being killed by hunters, running from a mysterious new threat to vampires in the city, questioning his sexuality, and attempting to stay sane and alive as he learns the ropes of the supernatural world.

Book Review: Real Vampires Don't Sparkle (Real Vampires Don't Sparkle Book 1) by Amy Fecteau | books, reading, book covers, book reviews, LGBT, fantasy, paranormal romance, urban fantasy, vampires
Title: Real Vampires Don't Sparkle
Book Number: Book 1
Pages: 386
My Book Rating: 4 Stars
More Info: Goodreads, Amazon

Ok, there were so many random things I loved about this book, but they don’t really fit into the plot/characters/setting type categories, so I’m just gonna random this out.

First of all, this book was hilarious. The protagonist, Matheus, was so quippy and sarcastic. Granted he did come off a bit immature for a 28-year-old, but the way he cracked me up on every other page made up for it, as did the scene when another character berated him and said everything I wanted to say about how he was acting (she gained about a thousand points from me when she did that). But Quin, the love interest, was actually even more hilariously sarcastic when he wanted to be.

But the book was also dark and intense and serious at other times. It was kind of an odd juxtaposition, but it worked, and those scenes managed to suck me in even more than the funny ones.

Then there was the vampire-ness. As much as I love the typical vampire tropes, I also like when those tropes are turned on their heads. So I liked that these vampires were not all perfect and gorgeous. In fact, Matheus described Quin as, “Not even his mother would have called him handsome, but people would have had a hard time forgetting his features.” And Matheus was the clumsiest character I’ve ever read about—he must’ve tripped and fell 27 times throughout the book. I’m also always thinking about how I want more books with baby vamps who grew up in current times and are just kind of adjusting to life as a vampire, and that was exactly what Matheus was.

But oh, the romance (or lack thereof) was the best part! Talk about a slow burn. I believe the anticipation of things is half the fun. So yes, please do torture me by drawing out the romance until I feel like I’m going to explode if they don’t JUST KISS ALREADY AND DAMMIT, MILO, COULD YOUR TIMING BE ANY WORSE??? What was I saying? Oh yes. I love it because, once they do kiss, *sigh* it’s that much better. And this book was delightfully torturous in that regard.

Not only that, Matheus and Quin made the perfect couple. And by couple, I mean not a couple. And by perfect, I mean they constantly bickered and only half-teasingly threatened to maim each other (as you do when you’re a vampire). But I have never read about two characters who just seemed to fit and complement each other so perfectly. Their senses of humor, their temperaments, and their personalities balanced and meshed so well.

Overall, the book was enjoyable, kept me hooked until the end, and had me immediately looking forward to jumping into the next one!

Book Blurb

Matheus Taylor didn’t ask to be murdered.

To be fair, the percentage of people actually asking to be murdered is probably small enough to be safely ignored, but he felt it was worth stating regardless.

His life might have been ordinary, but it was his life and he wasn’t done with it yet. Quin didn’t care. A seventeen-hundred old Roman, Quintus Livius Saturnius had a different view of morality than most people. Killing Matheus and hijacking his undead existence seemed perfectly acceptable to him.

Now, Matheus spends his nights running for his life, questioning his sexual orientation, and defying a mysterious new threat to the vampires within his city. Not that he set out to do any defying; he just wanted to be left alone.

Unfortunately, that was never going to happen.

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  1. Lola

    Humor and sarcasm are sometimes hard to convey in a book, so I am glad to hear the author wrote that well. And what an interesting juxtaposition with how it can be both funny and dark, it sounds like it would work well. When it cmes to tropes I like it when authors keep some of them and be more original with others. I think you need to keep a few tropes for them to feel like that type of paarnormal creature, like vampires should drink blood. But I am all for a non gorgeous and clumpsy vampires!
    Ah I love that type of slow burn romances, they are the best! It’s torturous and so good at the same time. And yes once they do kiss finally it’s so much better and sweeter because of all that anticipation. You practically sold me on this book with that slow burning romance description only. I am not really fan of the title though and the obvious jab to twillight. Great review!

    1. Kristen Burns

      The weird thing is, I feel like I kind of avoid funny books… but then when I end up reading them, I love them lol.

      Oh, yeah, I hate when a paranormal creature is changed so much that it’s not even that creature anymore. I read a ton of vampire books though, and I love getting to see all the different versions of them that authors create.

      THIS ROMANCE WAS LIKE THE SLOWEST OF SLOW BURNS. Lol. I loved all the tension. There were a couple intense scenes like I mentioned though (I can’t remember if they were really gruesome, but, I mean, there were vampires involved), and I don’t know if they’d be more than you’re comfortable with? But I only recall a couple, and I think you could skip over them without missing anything important, so I’m not trying to turn you off from the book, just giving you a heads up. To be honest, even though I never liked the sparkly vampire thing lol, I still don’t like it when books make jabs at other books, so I get why you don’t like the title. But I still liked the book :-)

  2. Greg

    Yeah to me vampires should be terrifying and unhuman, not sparkly or angysty. I like the title of this one… and the humor sounds good too. If you’re going to have a vampire PNR you probably have to have that or it’d be too serious?

    Hope the next one is as good!

    Greg recently posted: Bookcover Spotlight #33

    1. Kristen Burns

      I never liked the sparkly thing either, but I do like me some angst. I mean, even Louis in Anne Rice’s books was angsty :-P and those were the vampires I grew up on. But this protag was too sarcastic about everything to be angsty lol. And the other one was a bit of a psychopath who all the other vamps were afraid of, haha. I’ve read another really great vampire PNR that was SUPER dark with no humor, so it can be done. But I really liked that this book was able to do both because I like dark, but I also like laughing. (Btw I finished the next one, and it was!)

  3. Bookworm Brandee

    You put this title on my tbr last week (?) when you quoted part of it’s synopsis. That was you, right? ;) I’m so, so happy to know it’s worth the read. I love the title, first of all. But your review had me giggling and I love that this is a fresh take on vampires. Plus, the way you describe how Matheus and Quin seem to fit together so well, their sarcasm and slow-slow-burn romance, has me even more excited to read it. Thanks for a great review, Kristen. I’ll have to use some of my Christmas loot on this one. ;)

    Bookworm Brandee recently posted: Release Day Review ~ Troublemaker ~ Melissa Pearl

    1. Kristen Burns

      Yep, that was my book blurb post :-P I didn’t realize you had put it on your TBR because of me! I would’ve liked maybe a little more romance, but I obviously liked the book regardless and loved so much how they fit together. It’s hard to even describe! They just seemed right for each other. I hope you like it if you read it! You’ll have to let me know if you do :-)